Omaha, NE - After initial reports that a Mexican earthquake had been caused by fans celebrating an upset sports win over Germany, further investigation found that the seismic activity was due to Breakfast League Charter Member, Brandon Gaede.
At 11:32 AM on Sunday, June 17th, Gaede reportedly passed gas at his Omaha home, according to an anonymous source. This flatulence left a ripple effect that spread down the continent, resulting in light tectonic plate movement that registered on the Richter Scale.
"I don't know how anyone lives with the guy," reports an anonymous source, who was brave enough to report from inside the Gaede household. "His farts are becoming deadly!" Omaha police have a warrant out for Gaede's arrest.
According to the source, Gaede had eaten eggs for breakfast, fed to him by his wife, Kelsy. Warrants are also out for Kelsy's arrest - she will be charged with tampering with a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
On Wednesday, President Trump stated that "his farts are the worst, believe me, I would know," and intends to direct Secretary of Defense Jim "Mad Dog" Mattis to use any means necessary to bring him into custody.
"I saw this day coming for a long time," said longtime friend and Commissioner of the Breakfast League, Kenneth Pancake. "He almost killed me at summer camp one time. The only way I survive the trauma is through my support group."
Originally, the theory had been that the earthquake was caused by the national jumping movement of the residents of Mexico upon a World Cup goal in the 35th minute; however, upon further investigation, it was found that soccer hardly qualifies as a sport, and could in no way be responsible for such a large reaction.
"Big deal, he kicks the ball, he kicks the ball, he kicks the ball a little higher," said Mexico City seismologist Javier Gutierrez. "Soccer sucks - there's no way in hell it caused an earthquake."
The Breakfast League has yet to determine whether or not Gaede's arrest warrant will 'warrant' his removal from the Breakfast League.
If sighted in public, residents are encouraged to stay indoors and call the police immediately. If the suspect shows aggression by entering the same room as yourself with a can of beans, police advise running away, as fast as you can, for the LOVE OF GOD RUNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!
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