Post-Week Power Rankings (Week 4)

We are one quarter through the season! Now, owners know approximately where they stand, everyone has encountered at least one injury challenge at this point, and owners settle in for the long haul. Meanwhile, I'm nestled at my desk in the Capitol building in Lincoln trying to get this done on my lunch break and hoping people don't think I'm wasting taxpayer dollars.

First, some housekeeping: you may have noticed! We have a TWITTER now! Now, I'm not under any delusion that we're going to go viral - I just started a League account to have a place to post funky stats, standings and notable records on the line and such, without spamming everybody with a notification. These tweets show directly on the home screen of the website, as you may have already seen.

For those at the bottom of the 'list', the good news is that this year's regular season is longer than any other year in League history - owners still have ten games to make up ground. For those at the top of the 'list', the bad news is that this year's regular season is longer than any other year in League history - owners still have ten games to tank.

What's the 'list'? Well, this ranking from our League's most reliable ranker, of course! I'm bored at work, so let's get started:

12 . Koo Koo Ka Choo (Connor Gibson)

1-3 (1-2) / 4th, Bacon Division (2 GB)

PF: 12th / PA: 4th / ESPN Proj: 11th / PR: -2

I think the scoring on this team will pick up over time, and the opposition has been on the high medium side. But let's not forget that this team's only victory came by four. Hundredths. Of. A. Point. Now, I promised I wouldn't get angry. I won't get angry... I won't get angry... I'm on a floor with State Senators... *breathe*... *breathe*... crap, I think a Senator is looking at me funny.

Joking aside, I think Connor does actually get a win this week against Sean Alumbaugh for win #2 - and then, he's right back in the thick of it.

11 . Coronavirus Crowns (Ethan Maas)

1-3 (0-3) / 4th, Sausage Division (3 GB)

PF: 11th / PA: 7th / ESPN Proj: 12th / PR: +1

Yeah, it looks pretty bad. But look, he has McCaffery. When the Dude gets back to the field, he is sure to get Ethan at least SOME victories. #SimpleAsThat

10 . FloridaState SeminalVesicles (Alex Annan)

2-2 (1-2) / 3rd, Bacon Division (1 GB)

PF: 8th / PA: 9th / ESPN Proj: 10th / PR: =

Well, it's good to know that Daren from last week, ESPN and I are all in agreement about where this team stands. And I don't think the picture gets any better. When the opposing teams stiffen their opposition, Alex is going to have to score more points to be competitive. Apparently his team is so bad that he can't find anyone to fill his 16th roster spot (as of 12:43 PM).

He only has one good running back, his QB is only the 17th best so far, and he has little depth. I don't think the picture looks especially rosy - even after last week's 137-point performance.

9 . Fournettication (Dan Jackson Jr.)

1-3 (1-2) / 4th, Waffle Division (2 GB)

PF: 7th / PA: 5th / ESPN Proj: 2nd / PR: -1

I get why ESPN loves Dan so much - and honestly, from this point forward, I wanted to put every team in the top five. Allen, Jacobs, Kamara, Adams, McManus even... it's star-studded (even if Jacobs hasn't had the best start). In fact, I do think that Dan the Man will UPSET #1 CONNER PARTY - I'M CALLING IT - this week. I could see both Dan and RJ (just ahead) getting a furious streak of wins and getting into the rankings by season's end. It's just been slightly bad luck so far for Lieutenant Dan. Weird, I'm craving ice cream now. Be right back.

8 . Morning Chubb (RJ Dechow)

1-3 (1-2) / 3rd, Waffle Division (2 GB)

PF: 6th / PA: 1st / ESPN Proj: 9th / PR: -1

Here's the sunrise-bright side for Morning Chubb: he is scoring an average amount of points and has been disastrously unlucky against his opponents this year. That will even out, and RJ could still push for a playoff spot. Besides, the man has Stafford in a great spot in LA, he has Chubb, he has Gibson, he has Ridley, he has Hockenson... this roster has too much upside. In fact, I had him at 9th until I started typing this, and I just moved him up to 8th. Sorry Dan. But he is 1-3, so he needs to pick up the pace. The Montgomery injury won't help.

7 . Waddlin Tua MAHOMIES (Aaron Green)

2-2 (1-2) / 3rd, Sausage Division (2 GB)

PF: 10th / PA: 6th / ESPN Proj: 7th / PR: +4

Hmm. I don't know if this team is really deserving of gaining four spots in the PR. But where the Chiefs go, Aaron Green goes, and the Chiefs are only going up on the scoreboard. Points, points, points. Let's not forget Evans, Kittle, JuJu and Barkley. He will start scoring more points, and he could be dangerous if the Chiefs find themselves needing to win their last five games in a row to position themselves favorably for the NFL playoffs. Can you imagine how Mahomes would ball in such a situation?

6 . #5 Team Suspension (Kaelan Carlson)

2-2 (2-1) / 2nd, Bacon Division (1 GB)

PF: 4th / PA: 8th / ESPN Proj: 8th / PR: -4

Maybe I'm overreacting by sending Kaelan all the way down to 6th for one loss - and especially for a three-point loss to someone I will be ranking very highly today - but I only feel meh about this team right now. He is certainly pulling out all the stops, making all the trades he can. I put Kaelan at sixth not to say that there are five teams better than him, but rather, to say - let's wait and see.

5 . #1 Conner Party (Jared Kmiecik)

4-0 (3-0) / 1st, Sausage Division

PF: 1st / PA: 12th / ESPN Proj: 1st / PR: -4

Wait wait wait, don't throw the tomatoes yet! I have a good reason! Okay, first of all, the first few weeks were fun, but when are we going to start docking Jared some points for front office ability? I mean, he has to show us something down the stretch first - and if I'm going to give Al extra credit for his historical ability to always win, I have to do the same thing on the other side of the coin.

Yes, he has four wins, and the start alone virtually sends him to the playoffs already. But can over 500 points of scoring over four weeks really hold up? Plus, when it regresses back to the mean, won't he start to face some stiffer opposition than a League average of 12th in Points Against? I don't think Jared's streak makes it one more week.

4 . Cassius Darsh (Daren Lincourt)

2-2 (2-1) / 2nd, Waffle Division (1 GB)

PF: 5th / PA: 11th / ESPN Proj: 6th / PR: +1

He has been lucky so far with his matchups. But he does have a loaded roster, and a top five offense. I put him here, snugly.

3 . #4 Crazy Train (Sean Alumbaugh)

2-2 (2-1) / 2nd, Sausage Division (2 GB)

PF: 2nd / PA: 2nd / ESPN Proj: 5th / PR: +1

I'll be honest, three through six was the hardest for me this week. After fifteen minutes of mental gymnastics, I just took one gut look at the rosters in the starting lineup and went for it. I gave Sean the edge because of his scoring ability and simple bad luck. I don't know how much I like the roster, but it seems to be getting the job done for him, points-wise.

2 . #3 That's Football (Al Ohlinger)

3-1 (2-1) / 1st, Waffle Division

PF: 9th / PA: 3rd / ESPN Proj: 3rd / PR: +4

I had the twelve in order, I was just filling in the stats next to the #1 placard at the bottom of this document, and Al's name was on it. But I saw his Points For stat, and I just couldn't force myself to keep him at the top of the chart. At first I felt bad, but then I realized it was still four spots higher than Daren put him last week, so, I think I'm okay.

If Cook can stay healthy, if Scary Terry can spook this October, and if Rodgers keeps on being Rodgers, Al can be as intimidating as he has been historically. Never count Al out of the race - he is always at the front of the pack.

On the downside? Al has only claimed his three victories by a margin of 12 points or lower. His Week 1 loss against Morning Chubb was by nearly 70 points. Al's biggest objective is to stabilize his scoring. He doesn't need to win big every week - he just needs to win. So far, he is accomplishing that.

1 . #2 Can You Diggs It? (Kenneth Pancake)

3-1 (2-1) / 1st, Bacon Division

PF: 3rd / PA: 10th / ESPN Proj: 4th / PR: +2

Guys, I tried not to do it, okay?!?!? I had Al here first, and I just couldn't pull the trigger. Still, I'm willing to bet that I've ranked myself #1 more often than I would like to admit.

Okay, now for the how's and why's: first of all, I would be 4-0 IF IT WASN'T FOR FRICKIN' LAMAR JACKSON BEATING ME BY FOUR HUNDREDTHS OF A POINT!!!!! and I promise I'm over it, really BUT IT'S SO FRICKIN' STUPID I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEBOY just kidding I would never encourage violence FIND CONNOR GIBSON AND HURT HIM. BADLY. Okay maybe I need a therapist.

Yes, I've been lucky when it comes to my opponent's scoring, but I would have been able to handle tougher opposition with my nearly 480 points of scoring over the past four weeks. Plus, my starting lineup for this week doesn't feature a single player ranked outside the top 20 at their position in scoring. In fact, six of my nine starters are in the top ten at their respective positions - with at least one more on the bench. That's unheard of. And I swear if I finish the regular season 13 AND 1 I'M GOING TO FEED CONNOR TO A PACK OF WOL - okay, gotta go, some guy in a blue windbreaker with yellow lettering is at my cubicle.

STAY TUNED for a week preview coming up soon!