The owners are settling in, the waiver wire is humming, and each team has either a win or a loss in the books. It's so... *sobs* beautiful!
Since we only have one game in the books, there isn't a lot I can go off of; so, these rankings may look more like my own draft rankings than power rankings. BUT, plenty of factors from the first few days of play will factor in: trades, waiver wire pickups and the players who performed over or under expectations.
Also, I've found that as the years go by, my first PR is ALWAYS the hardest. I felt like each team could have just as easily been ranked eight positions away from where they are here. I could be wildly wrong about everything. Maybe Daren DOES win the League this year. It could very easily happen! It took me so long to do this ranking that the ESPN projections changed midway through, and I had to go in and edit them here. Nevertheless, for the League's sake, I took a shot at it. So, let's get started!
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12. Big Ben's Big Balls (Daren Lincourt)
T-2nd, Bacon Division / 0-1 (0-0) / PF: 9th / PA: 1st / ESPN PR: 4th (+4)
Like many things, I like and dislike parts of Big Daren's Big... Draft. Several of them are based on my own theories that I'll allow without consequence - for example, I think Gallup is the better target in Dallas, not Cooper. But he took two kickers, and he drafted two D/ST units... Daren, from experience: just stream them buddy. But there's a solid WR core here, and I like Lindsay, who is turning into the back end of a 50/50 split instead of a backup to Melvin Gordon. Despite being thin at RB, this team could be fighting for a playoff spot late if Daren makes good moves on the wire.
11. Cows of Colorado (Alex Annan)
1st, Sausage Division / 1-0 (1-0) / PF: 4th / PA: 5th / ESPN PR: 9th (=)
There's not much I like about this team - but, Al and I will both agree that Alex made strides early to fix the flaws in his unit, trading Matt Ryan away for DeSean Jackson and James White. Lamar Jackson is a great grab, and Kamara is always a star. But his current RB2 on his lineup is... Nyheim Hines? Nevertheless, I'll give him the bump for being willing to take some of the League's ridicule in making a trade before the first game of the season in order to strengthen his roster. And let's not forget - he has a win under his belt. Like I said in my intro, maybe 11th, maybe 1st - who knows?
10. Crazy Train (Sean Alumbaugh)
3rd, Eggs Division / 0-1 (0-1) / PF: 8th / PA: 3rd / ESPN PR: 3rd (+2)
Sean showed some good draft technique this year. He took a handcuff to his RB1, he waited on a kicker, he went for a D/ST early but not too early, and he waited on his QB until he filled his other offensive starting positions. The bad news? Michael Thomas (the WR that was Sean's Round 1 pick, as is for all of the past three years as well) is facing an injury. Jonathan Taylor is a rookie, and that's risky in any year (but this year especially). There's not a lot of productive RB depth. And I'm sorry, but Drew Lock? That's a homer pick. Nevertheless, ESPN is high on him, so we will see if Sean can finally break his streak of going to the playoffs and never getting the final win.
9. Team Suspension (Kaelan Carlson)
1st, Bacon Division / 1-0 (1-0) / PF: 6th / PA: 12th / ESPN PR: 5th (-1)
Oh, Kaelan. What can I say. You beat me for, what, the eighth or ninth time? This is getting ridiculous. I was impressed you waited until Round 9 to grab your QB (your longest wait for a QB in four years at least). Some picks are already showing not to pan out - Le'Veon Bell is facing a committee assignment and an injury, Gronkowski is old and shriveled up, so on and so forth. Still, by nature of his history, Kaelan is always in the mix. But I get the feeling he won't go all the way this year. Maybe he will make my prediction here look silly... He probably will... I hope not...
8. Davante's Inferno (Jared Kmiecik)
T-2nd, Sausage Division / 0-1 (0-0) / PF: 11th / PA: 7th / ESPN PR: 7th (-1)
This might not mean much, considering how Jared has done in his past seasons - but I think this will be Jared's best year to date. Clyde Edwards-Helaire has already shown his star power and worth as a Round 1 pick. Robinson looked to benefit from a QB battle in Chicago... until news broke this week that he's not happy. We'll see how that turns out. But the depth at RB is a plus, he's showing the willingness to make pickups in free agency (Joshua Kelley is a great handcuff pickup), and with Kelce, this team may be a playoff competitor. It may all depend on Kyler Murray's season with the Cards. Overall, CEH and your WR corps is why I place you two positions higher than Al did.
7. Sherlock Jones (Kenneth Pancake)
T-2nd, Bacon Division / 0-1 (0-1) / PF: 12th / PA: 6th / ESPN PR: 12th (=)
As Al predicted, I'm not afraid of making big moves to fix any mistakes I make. I automatically realized after the draft that I didn't have a great QB situation, and I drafted one too many WR's. Fortunately, Alex Annan (having the opposite problems) was willing and able to deal. Still, I don't have too many big names at the WR position, Ekeler may not turn into who he should be, and I posted a weekly low score this week to kick off the season. :'( Additionally, I drafted the wrong handcuff for Ekeler and decided not to get his true handcuff in free agency before Jared picked him up. All in all, between the draft and early free agency, it may be too late for me to mount a title run.
One more note: I ranked myself lower than Al ranked me. I'm so humble, aren't I? Hehe.
6. Monica Loves Clinton-Dix (Daniel Jackson Jr.)
T-1st, Waffle Division / 1-0 (0-0) / PF: 1st / PA: 9th / ESPN PR: 2nd (-1)
I love Al Ohlinger. I mean, the man is a GREAT Lieutenant Commissioner. The best. And a savvy fantasy football player. But man, do I have a bone to pick with his analysis of Dan's draft (nothing personal Al, don't kill me!!!). He did get a few things right: Dan only drafted three running backs, and he has already dropped one of them (but if you didn't know who the supposed backup to Derrick Henry was at draft time, you goofed). And Josh Allen is a risky pick, especially in the 7th. A kicker in the 9th is just ridiculous (but to be fair, Ethan Maas drafted a kicker in the 9th and took 2nd place in the regular season in 2017).
Now let's get into what he got wrong: Dan's WR core is solid. Noah Fant is going to be a top 12 TE, and you can stream TE's if you need. Chris Carson IS an amazing pick when you look at the Seahawks' rushing tendencies. And finally, ESPN projected this team at #1 following the draft (reminder: Al put them dead last). If I rank a team dead last and ESPN ranks them first, I would slow down and tell myself, "Okay dude, you must have done something wrong, go back and check your methods." ESPECIALLY if the man drops a weekly-high 154 points!!!
Nevertheless, the errors shown in the roster are fairly large ones. That is why I have Dan ranked where I have him.
5. Two Girls, One Kupp (Brandon Gaede)
T-1st, Eggs Division / 1-0 (1-0) / PF: 3rd / PA: 8th / ESPN PR: 10th (=)
A fun tidbit from my own draft research (break out your notebooks, because I'm not usually sharing this!!!): While the pros at ESPN recommend waiting until the last two rounds to pick up a D/ST, here are the rounds in which the regular season's top two teams picked theirs in the past three years: 12, 12, 11, 10, 11, 11. Only two teams of the past three years' playoff squads picked them later than the 13th round.
Brandon was one of three teams this year to pick their D/ST in the 14th round or later. That's not the only takeaway of course - he has a solid RB/WR corps, his TE is top-notch (though too injury-prone for my tastes), he has a great fantasy QB, and he has N'Damukong Suh on his D/ST unit. Can't lose! I really like this team, and I think he goes far - until he has to stream a tight end because Engram misses a game or two. Or ten. *Knocks on my wood table*
4. Go Bark Yourself (RJ Dechow)
3rd, Waffle Division / 0-1 (0-1) / PF: 10th / PA: 2nd / ESPN PR: 11th (-8)
I can hear RJ crying somewhere off in the distance. Then again, he is now newly married as of last weekend (CONGRATS!!!), so maybe that sound I hear is - okay, I'll stop there.
Totally kidding - RJ is crying because Saquon Barkley put up disastrous rushing numbers in last week's game against Pittsburgh. As the Round 1 pick, Barkley has to produce better than that - but I'm pretty sure this was just a fluke. Saquon is gonna Saquon, and although the RB depth is a little thinner than I'd prefer, look out for Patrick Mahomes! This is the earliest RJ has ever drafted a QB (although my draft analysis doesn't show 2016, so I'd have to double-check).
3. TANKIN FOR TUA (Aaron Green)
T-1st, Eggs Division / 1-0 (0-0) / PF: 7th / PA: 11th / ESPN PR: 6th (-4)
Drunk Man Wins Draft. If Aaron wins the title this season, I will write an entire article on it and that will be the headline.
If Aaron wins the title this year - gosh, that sounds weird to even say. Aaron has seen the playoffs before, but I never considered him to be a top tier contender. Yet, he has Deshaun Watson (a little less lovable without Hopkins, but amazing nonetheless), Tyreek Hill, Mark Andrews (and MAN did he produce this week!), and others. I'm not as high on him as Al is, but I do see him competing for a playoff spot. Malcolm Brown was a great add on the waiver wire, having now secured the RB1 spot in LA. Singletary and Chubb are slight concerns (I mention Chubb because, while technically he is the RB1 in Cleveland, Kareem Hunt got more love in the gameplan upon his return from suspension last season).
One more concern: he drafted a defense in Round 8. In the past three years, no team who drafted their first D/ST earlier than the 10th round finished in the top six in the regular season standings.
One more one more note: DAMN IT AARON STOP CHANGING YOUR TEAM NAME!!!!! YOU RUINED OUR SHERLOCK HOLMES THEME!!!
2. Coronavirus Crowns (Ethan Maas)
T-2nd, Sausage Division / 0-1 (0-1) / PF: 5th / PA: 4th / ESPN PR: 1st (+6)
Ethan has had a variety of finishes in his six years of membership in the League. In the past three years (regular season), he has finished 2nd, 7th and 12th. This season is gonna be more like that first number. Even after a week one loss, ESPN adjusted their rankings to put him first. With players like Russel Wilson, Derrick Henry, Hopkins, Cook, Green and the like, I'm not surprised. Watch Ethan to make a surprising run to win the Sausage Division and get a Round 1 win in the playoffs - at the very least.
PS: I too was hoping that Devine Ozigbo would make some noise. Sadly it's not looking good.
1. Wave To The Kids! (Al Ohlinger)
T-1st, Waffle Division / 1-0 (1-0) / PF: 2nd / PA: 10th / ESPN PR: 8th (+3)
I could bash Al on always ranking his team high - but as he points out, he is never wrong about it. Remember, he has the best all-time win percentage of the League. Besides, his roster is nothing to shake a stick at. Zeke - Melvin Gordon - a Ben Roethlisberger who is in great post-injury shape - Davante Adams - Odell Beckham - the Bears D/ST (although less intimidating than in other years) - this is a solid roster up and down. Don't forget TE sleeper Jonnu Smith, and also Cam Newton with a flyer pick that will definitely pay off.
ESPN was not a fan as much as I was (they have adjusted his ranking since). Maybe they didn't like how long he waited for a tight end - after all, in this year and the past three, this is the latest he's waited. But we shall see how it pans out.
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