Week 5 Power Rankings:
Well, good news is no one in 0-4! Bad news is, injuries are absolutely wrecking all of our rosters. I mean, have we had a more injury-riddled start to a fantasy season?! Maybe I’m operating with some recency bias, but man. It’s been brutal.
Also, confession: I have not watched a single game outside of the Chiefs this season, and I have not had any RedZone time. Travel and commitments have kept me distant from the NFL thus-far, so I feel doubtful in my ability to provide the quality fantasy football analysis that this league deserves. So, in the absence of quality, I will try my darndest to be entertaining.
Bring on the 1 sentence summaries! Let’s freakin’ go.
*Reminder, PF means “Points For,” PA means “Points Against”
12. Crazy Train (2-2)
Praying for continued fortune.
I mean, idk how this team has managed to get 2 wins. Perhaps it’s the fact that the 362 PA is the lowest by a lot in the league thus far. A fortunate start, but one that I am not buying into long-term. By the time McCaffery and Puka are fully back, I anticipate it will be too late.
11. Hock Tua (1-3)
May want to consider a team name change, maybe to like “Football Team” or something.
With both Hockenson and Tua injured, and Tua not even on the roster anymore, I think this team would benefit from a clean slate and a fresh start. With Josh Allen, Drake London, and Amon-Ra on the roster, this team has some talent. I just don’t think they can overcome the name.
10. Hubbard’s Cupboards (2-2)
Haunted by the ghost of Travis Kelce
I mean, it was bound to happen eventually, right? Kelce was eventually going to fall off the age and mileage cliff. Unfortunately for Hubbard’s Cupboards, it has happened this season. Or at least, it seems like it. Perhaps Kelce can resurrect his season, but it looks like the days of consecutive top 3 TE seasons is over.
9. Do ya feel the Breece (1-3)
Current “Breece”: 1-2 mph out of south, unlikely to pick up anytime soon.
Not a bad roster here. Breece Hall is just been eh. The Jets have just been eh. As a Garrett Wilson owner myself, I can sympathize with the disappointment. Hopefully it can get turned around. But it doesn’t seem like Aaron Rogers has the juice anymore to overcome the offensive rank of Offensive Coordinator Nat Hackett.
8. Cousin’s Hurts So Good (1-3)
Maybe instead of “Cousin’s Hurts So Good,” it should be “Sequonrick is So Better!”
Yeah I watched Thursday’s game, so this 1 sentence take isn’t looking as good as it did before Cousins dropped 500 and 4 TDs. But I mean, the presence of both Saquon and Derrick Henry makes this team really scary. They’re at 8 for now, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see a mid-season climb.
7. Tory Taylor MVP (2-2)
CeeDee and Rashee, we’ll no longer see.
Rashee was looking like a player to win fantasy leagues for teams, and Tory Taylor was no different. What could have been of CeeDee and Rashee, now we’ll never know. Whether it’s an ACL or not, it’s hard to imagine Rashee contributing any fantasy numbers for a while.
6. Team Suspension (2-2)
Dominating Special Teams
#1 kicker and #1 D/STs through 4 weeks. Plus, looks like Suspension has 2 starting caliber QBs on the roster. Good for insurance or for acquiring FLEX talent. This team is all the way in on the Bengals, so just keep praying Burrow stays healthy.
5. Counterattack! (2-2)
The 1%
Counterattack! is currently starting a player that only 1.2% of fantasy leagues are starting (Andrei Iosivas). You may be asking yourself, who is that? I’ll let you look for yourself. This doesn’t really have anything to do with power rankings or whatever, I just found it interesting. Did you know Iosivas went to Princeton? I didn’t even know they had a football team. Whoa.
4. A Green Bean (1-3)
Misfortune is a bitch
Yeah, I have a 1-3 team in the top 4. Get at me. Question: how is Alex always getting screwed? I mean, I guess he won last year, but most of the time when I’m calculating fantasy luck, he’s on the losing end. Alex currently has the 4th most PF, and THE HIGHEST PA BY 50 POINTS! I mean, yeesh. Opponents are having career weeks against him. Anyways, I’m banking on a regression to the mean in the PA category and Alex finishing much higher than he is currently situated.
3. The Brockness Monster (3-1)
The Kamara of Christmas Past
Well, through 4 weeks, it seems like Alvin has done what so few running backs have done: returned to amazing after so many years of mediocrity. What a joy to watch! This is a really good team, capable of winning it all.
2. C’mon Son! (3-1)
Can we throw the ball to Garrett Wilson?
It’s hard to analyze your own team, so instead I’m going to rant for a second. New York Jets, what the heck? Is it really this hard to figure out how to feed Garrett Wison? I haven’t watched any NYJ games this year, but I’ve seen highlights. Is this a High School offense? How is Nathaniel Hackett an Offensive Coordinator in the National Football League? They lost TO DENVER. Ok, I’m done ranting for now. Gotta breath.
1. Mr. Rodgers' Naber-hood (4-0)
Good luck keeping up with this ‘Naber’
I mean, talk about a heavy hitting roster to start the season. Kenny is carrying 9 different players ranked in the top 10 at their position in scoring through 4 weeks. Whew! At this point, injuries are the only concern keeping this guy from a deep playoff run. Also, interesting strategy to be carrying 3 TEs and 3 D/STs… Can’t wait to see how it plays out!
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