I feel like I say this every year, but it’s true once again: it’s the most active year ever in the Breakfast League for trades and waiver moves. I’m sure COVID has something to do with it, but regardless, it’s nice to see all the participation.
I said this on Facebook, but currently the standings are exactly symmetrical, which doesn’t happen often after the first week. There are two 1-4 and two 4-1 teams, and four 2-3 and four 3-2 teams. So it’s easy to see who’s the current top half. Anyway, I don’t have any more interesting insights this week, so let’s move onto the rankings.
12. TANKIN FOR TUA (2-3), (1-1 div), 524.36 PF, 617.88 PA
Last Week: Loss vs CoronaVirus Crowns 91.88-159.28
Aaron is taking his team name seriously this year, as this team has gone downhill fast since the draft. After trading away Hill for the bum that is OBJ (week 4 excluded), and Chubb going down, this team is left pretty barren in the cupboard. Gaskin is looking good, but he’s not an RB1, and Malcolm Brown isn’t even the lead back for the Rams. And those are literally the only two startable running backs on this whole team. And what the heck is a backup rookie QB STILL doing on your bench!? I ought to rank you last off of that on principle. Only the extra win here keeps this team in 11th. Of course, last week’s loss would have happened even with an average score, but things have changed since the draft, and not for the better.
11. Sherlock Jones (1-4), (0-2 div), 532.28 PF, 626.74 PA
Last Week: Loss vs Wave to the Kids! 93.34-132.56
Welcome to the Roast of Kenneth Pancake, we hope you enjoy tonight’s entertainment. Did you know Kenny ranked himself 7th in the week 3 PR despite having a 1-2 record and then proceeded to lose the next two weeks scoring 94.4 and 93.34? And this despite having (fairly sure) NO ONE affected by COVID so far. Okay, sure, Eckler is hurt, but what happens when Kenny actually has someone on a team affected by COVID? He panics and trades ROOKIE OF THE YEAR Chase Claypool away for Cam Akers (who is not even the lead back for the Rams) and THEN finds out that COVID hasn’t even officially cancelled the game yet. Man, what a rookie COVID mistake, believing every rumor you hear. It’s FAKE NEWS I tell ya’. SAD! Couldn’t even beat that shitty 1-3 team last week, so I don’t know what hope there is for the rest of this team. Despite the best efforts of Terry “Scary Terry” McLaurin, his back just isn’t big enough to carry the load that is the rest of Sherlock Jones. 2/5 stars, NEXT!
10. Connor Party (1-4), (1-1 div), 559.86 PF, 573.8 PA
Last Week: Loss vs Two Girls, One Kupp 111.7-118.56
Bad news for Jared last week: he fell asleep at the wheel and started the Patriots D/ST when they were on bye due to COVID. There was even a chance to rectify this mistake and pick up the Titans D/ST on Tuesday(!) night of all things, a rare opportunity. But unfortunately, he missed the chance and would have won by .2 had he done so. Even worse news this week as a CEH owner: Le’veon Bell signed with the Chiefs, and now will form a committee with CEH in an offense where it’s already hard enough to get touches given the plethora of talent KC has. If his luck gets any worse, Jared’s team may literally start eating itself! Despite all this, because of the extended schedule this year (13 games) no one is truly out of it yet and I still can see literally anyone in this league making the playoffs.
9. Go Bark Yourself (2-3), (1-1 div), 542.66 PF, 544.46 PA
Last Week: Win vs Big Ben’s Big Balls 115.9-75.64
Let me tell you what: any FF win is a good win, even if your opponent just lays down and dies in front of you. So RJ’s got that going for him. But really, this team is way too reliant on Patrick Mahomes and I have no clue what’s going to happen at RB, especially when McCaffery comes back in week 8 (assuming COVID doesn’t kill the season before then.) Combine that with the lower end PF, and you’ve got yourself a 9th place team that moved up slightly because of the win but is still one that I don’t think is very good right now.
8. Team Suspension (3-2), (1-1 div), 533.06 PF, 528.64 PA
Last Week: Loss vs Monica Loves Clinton-Dix 94.76-116.32
While the drama between Kenny and Kaelan is hilarious, here’s the secret they both don’t want you to know: neither one of them is very good is year. It’s like arguing which pile of poo looks nicer when in reality: they both stink. Ok, that’s a bit harsh, but they are 10th and 11th in PF separated by just one point. In actual Team Suspension news, Bell was traded to the KC which is a MAJOR upgrade from the Jets. I don’t know exactly how long it will take to integrate him, but it’s not that long ago this was the number one overall fantasy pick. So he’s talented, it’s just about opportunity now. The winning record is good, the PF is not right now, but in the end Kaelan knows which one is important going forward, despite the lower half PR rank.
7. Cows of Colorado (3-2), (1-1 div), 573.76 PF, 579.96 PA
Last Week: Loss vs Crazy Train 98.7-122.72
I really debated on where to put this team, because while the CoC have looked good some weeks, the weeks I actually do PR, they haven’t looked good at all. And honestly, that roster kind of offends my eyes. Yes, it does look worse because everyone’s on bye this week, but I dunno, other than Kamara and maybe Keenan Allen, who would you actually want off this team right now? All that combined with a winning record? To heck with it, middle of the standings for you. For the Cows, my eyes say no but my brain says maybe. In the end, I’m sure Alex is just fine with being top half of the actual standings despite any unflattering remarks on my end.
6. Crazy Train (2-3), (0-2 div), 570.2 PF, 585.56 PA
Last Week: Win vs Cows of Colorado 122.72-98.7
After an 0-3 start, this team has really picked up steam, chugging along with 2 straight wins and pulling themselves right back in the picture. Even though there haven’t been many breakout weeks score wise (last week’s 122.72 was the best score so far), there haven’t been any real duds yet either. With >10 point performances from nearly every positional player and a great score from kicker Graham Gano last week, things are looking up in the win column. And as far as my eye test goes roster wise, I’ve always thought it looked just fine. While still under .500, the Crazy Train has some momentum heading into next week versus Go Bark Yourself.
5. Wave To The Kids! (2-3), (1-1 div), 574.14 PF, 616.28 PA
Last Week: Win vs Sherlock Jones 132.56-93.34
So let’s get this straight right here: I have definitely been the unluckiest team so far. Nearly every single player on my roster has either had an injury or had a game affected by COVID (or both). (I didn’t call Kenny a COVID rookie for nothing; you’re looking at the expert.) And in Melvin Gordon’s case this week, he got a DUI, as if everything hasn’t already happened to WTTK. Also, I’m nearly first in PA. (I was first until Kenny’s efforts last week.) So even with all that happening, yeah, I’m putting myself top half of the PR with a losing record. I got a win last week. And take a look at my roster and ask yourself - do I want to play that team right now? I didn’t think so. In any case, I play Brandon this week, and as we all know, I don’t lose to Brandon. (Check the records.)
4. Big Ben’s Big Balls (3-2), (2-0 div), 626.34 PF, 615.38 PA
Last Week: Loss vs Go Bark Yourself 75.64-115.9
This team has been extremely boom or bust so far, and the record reflects that - 3 booms and 2 busts. I just wonder how many booms will be in the future without Dak Prescott, who was responsible for a lot of fantasy points so far this year. Despite that, this team is still fine. There’s still 4(!) startable running backs who are healthy on roster which is 3 more than a lot of teams in this league. Honestly, while I thought it was an extremely dumb move at the time, burning the first waiver wire spot on the Wednesday immediately after the draft (and preseason) might be the move of the year because it turns out Jared also put in a claim for Robinson on that day. And while Kirk Cousins is no Dak, he is a solid replacement. The only reason this team slides down to 4th on the PR is because 75.64 is a really bad score, but I expect these Balls to bounce back quickly.
3. Two Girls One Kupp (4-1), (2-0 div), 624.82 PF, 532.44 PA
Last Week: Win vs Conner Party 118.56-111.7
TG1K is kind of the exact opposite of BBBB - there are no big 150+ point weeks, but there aren’t any bad weeks either. Brandon’s team has been the picture next to consistency in the dictionary, scoring between 117 and 133 points each week. And that consistency will get you into the playoffs if it continues. The two teams ahead on this list have had slightly higher highs, but give me consistency any day of the week. And Brandon has also somehow managed to win the back RB lottery twice with both Hunt and Mattison, so a little luck doesn’t hurt either. (Speaking of luck, last week’s win was due to his opponent not having a starting D/ST. So ya know.) Brandon looks for his first ever win against me this week, and if he could manage to do so, would move him to 5-1.
2. CoronaVirus Crowns (3-2), (1-1 div), 625.98 PF, 589.34 PA
Last Week: Win vs TANKIN FOR TUA 159.28-91.88
Is Russell Wilson the best QB in football? I know Mahomes is the current hotness in the league, but give me Russ any day of the week. He continues to cook for the Crowns, and it showed with a 30 point performance to help Ethan’s team to a league high 159.28 point last week. Derrick Henry is back off of bye, Gurley looks good in Atlanta (despite the coaching) and David Montgomery continues to outperform his offensive line (which really is offensive). Those 3 together makeup the best starting RB roster in the Breakfast League and is the other reason that I have this team this high in the PR. Really, the top 4 teams on this PR are in a tier of their own right now, as evidenced by the PF category. We’ll see if the Crowns can keep it up next week without Russ, who’s on bye, against cellar dweller Sherlock Jones.
1. Monica Loves Clinton-Dix (4-1), (1-1 div), 654.76 PF, 531.74 PA
Last Week: Win vs Team Suspension 116.32-94.76
So last week was the first time I watched a Bills game all year and, uh, Josh Allen kinda looked as bad as I remembered. So I guess what you’re saying is I need to watch more Bills games? Anyway, I digress, as that was probably just an outlier. This team has definitely earned the number one spot with a league high PF and a 4-1 record. And don’t forget - Christian McCaffery is slated to come back Week 8, so MLCD has done all of this without the number one overall fantasy pick. Even with Chris Carson on bye and being forced to start the fossil (but HOF’er) Frank Gore, I expect this team to move to 5-1 after picking up a win against the aptly named TANKIN FOR TUA next week. (P.S., my favorite Frank Gore joke: If you need 1 yard, he will get you 3 yards. If you need 5 yards, he will also get you 3 yards.)
Next Week’s Preview
Game of the Week
Line: TG1K +8.9
Hey, don’t look at me like that, if you want to be in the game of the week, please spend 3 hours writing your own PR. These are my two highest rated teams playing each other. So GOTW it is. But seriously, with how consistent Brandon has been and how this is the best my roster has looked since week 1, this should be a competitive one. Also, maybe Brandon will beat me for the first time ever. But I doubt it.
Line: MLCD -12.5
This matchup of #1 vs. #12 on the PR should go just about exactly as you’d expect a first vs last matchup to go.
Line: MAAS -12.6
This matchup of #2 vs. #11 on the PR should go just about exactly as you’d expect a second vs second to last matchup to go.
Line: BBBB -2.9
Let’s see if Darren can bounce back after losing Dak and the putrid score from last week. Jared looks to avoid a 1-5 start.
Line: Ozzy +4.5
Hey, a #6 vs #9 matchup. Nice. Both players come in off a win to improve to 2-3, let’s see which one can keep the momentum going and pull even at .500.
Line: CoC -3.2
Given that both these teams are 3-2 and I ranked them both in the bottom half of the PR and generally disrespected both of them, one of them is going to make me look slightly silly because one is guaranteed to win. But one will also lose, so who’s the real smart one here?
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