Week 6 Power Rankings
Sorry for the late power rankings this week. I took a page from Aaron Rodgers playbook and decided to do a darkness retreat this week to better understand where I failed with my team en route to a 1-5 record. And all I can say is that I saw the face of Coach Prime laughing in my face. On with the rankings!
12. Love and Flowers (1-5) Last Week: 10
Everything sucks. I hate everything. Life is miserable. But at least the Lions are watchable for once! Look – my team has fallen below expectations this year. And I don’t have injuries to blame like Al. It’s just been plain underperformance and if anything, that is way more frustrating to deal with. I was projected to win by 30 against inactive Dan last week and instead lost by 16. Yeah, not good. I guess it’s time to begin prepping for my fantasy baseball season!
11. Old Yellers (2-4) Last Week: 8
Man, I look at this team, and I just see a carbon copy of my team. General underperformance with Jackson not running nearly as much as usual, Henry looking every part of 29, and Aaron Jones banged up a lot this year. At this point, you’re just going to have to scratch and claw your way to any victory. A good chance awaits you this week. Take advantage of me!
10. Koo Koo Ka Choo (2-4) Last Week: 11
A win moves you up 1 spot in the rankings! Congrats! However, you still have a ways to go. Your RB situation has been decimated with injuries in the last few weeks with both Herbert and Conner going on IR. Burrow has been inconsistent with his calf injury. Your strength is in your 1-2 punch at WR with Diggs and Brown. Any chance of winning falls to those two guys to make the plays necessary to pull your team to victory.
9. From The Logo! (2-4) Last Week: 9
A loss keeps you at 9 this week Al as the rest of the teams behind you have done less with more this season than your Frankenstein team. I mean, Berrios is your WR2 this week. Yuck. But knowing Miami’s offense, he might go off for 100 yards and 2 TDs. Could also go for 2 catches for 20 yards like last week. The ultimate lottery ticket! Are you feeling lucky, Al? Because you have had no luck this season at all.
8. San Diego State Fightin Araizas (4-2) Last Week: 12
Look, he has scored the fewest points in the league. Yet he is 4-2. Some people have all the luck in the world. I was one of those people last year winning games that I should not have won. Dan has that ability this year. If he makes any moves at all (moving Kupp and Taylor into your starting lineup would be a start) he might have something good cooking. Otherwise, it will turn into a Russell Wilson shit buffet real quick.
7. Left Handed Corn Dogz (3-3) Last Week: 3
Losing Jefferson could be a death blow to this team. There is no way that you can replace the best WR in the game. And with the Vikings absolutely sucking this year, they might make the decision not to rush him back until he is 100% by which time, Alex’s playoff hopes are deader than Iowa’s offense. Oh, plus David Montgomery is hurt too. Not good my friend.
6. Crazy Train (3-3) Last Week: 5
This is a well-balanced team. Which makes sense given that you have a game manager as your starting QB in Purdy. But there is no recognizable weakness right now. Good RBs, good WRs, and a good TE means that Sean will be in the running every week. He just has to win a few of these non-division games to get some head-to-head tiebreakers.
5. Cousins had a Kittle Lamb (2-4) Last Week: 6
Hey, two straight wins is a good start to moving into the playoff conversation. And now you have 2 head-to-head matchup victories against potential playoff hopefuls. This will be helpful when we are in Week 13/14 as Aaron searches to break his playoff streak. We are all pulling for you Aaron!!!
4. Chillin’ with Mahomies (4-2) Last Week: 7
I’m surprised that you haven’t changed your team name yet Kenny into a Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce reference. I think “Kelce’s Love Story” would be appropriate 😊 This team has the highest ceiling in the league with Mahomes and Kelce leading the way. But Kelce is looking his age at 33 and hasn’t been quite himself this season. Kenny won’t go far in the playoffs unless he can turn back the clock and begin hooking up with Mahomes down the field instead of Swift off the field.
3. Iowa City Mo (4-2) Last Week: 2
Now we get into the true championship contenders. Any one of these 3 deserve to be in the top spot. But not everyone can get a participation trophy so someone has to be in the #3 spot. That goes to Marie for this week due only to the fact that this is her first season in the league so she doesn’t have as much experience as either Kaelan or Ethan. But man, her team is really good and it has more potential to lite up the scoreboard if Chase can rediscover his form with Burrow. Keep on winning and we expect you to lock up a playoff spot here in the next few weeks!
2. Team Suspension (4-2) Last Week: 1
Yes yes, I know. He lost to Marie last week so why is he still ranked above her? Because these are my rankings since none of you all signed up for all the spots, so I decided to pick up the slack. You don’t like it? Boo hoo, cry me a river. You all keep on taking your frustrations out on my team. Anyways, the most legendary player in our league continues to impress this season but the McCaffery injury looms large if he is out for any games. As long as he stays in the lineup, he’s a lock for 15+. Without him, Kaelan still has a top-6 team, just not a championship game team. He also needs his WRs to pick up the slack. I might have a few if you’re interested…
1. Saqoun Deez Nuts (5-1) Last Week: 4
Putting up 120 is a good way to rebound from two subpar weeks. And you’re going up against an inactive Dan team with 5 of your players on bye. Watch out though, he could get hot and win! But seriously, Ethan should move to a comfortable 6-1 after this week and his playoff spot should be locked up here soon. He has the largest division lead plus all the head-to-head tiebreakers over his division teammates so I’d say he’s going to make the playoffs. It’s only a question of if he will get a bye at this point. Losing Anthony Richardson does hurt but Justin Herbert is a top-5 fantasy QB so he’ll be fine.
Game of the Week: #12 Love and Flowers vs. #11 Old Yellers – I mean, if the Giants continue to play primetime games, I think these two teams deserve all the spotlight this week. Whoever breaks 90 wins this game.
#9 From the Logo! vs. #2 Team Suspension – Odds are stacked against Al this week. Plus projections currently have him down by over 40. Oof.
#3 Iowa City Mo vs. #4 Chillin’ with Mahomies – A potential playoff bye tiebreaker game here folks. Going to be a good one.
#6 Crazy Train vs. #7 Left Handed Corn Dogz – Battle of Mids!!! Love these types of games, where both teams could use the tiebreaker.
#5 Cousins had a Kittle Lamb vs. #10 Koo Koo Ka Choo – Another win here puts Aaron squarely in the playoff conversation. A loss sets him back ever farther. Must win for both teams to stay in the conversation.
#1 Saqoun Deez Nuts vs. #8 Sand Diego State Fightin Araizas – Yes 9-1-1? I’d like to report a murder. Dan’s team is going to get tea bagged this week repeatedly. We love to see it.
That’s all folks! Good luck and may my team continue to disappoint me and question my life’s choices.
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