Intros are boring. Rankings are fun. Let’s do those instead.
1. Team Suspension (6-0), +0
Last Week: Win vs. Crazy Train 123.3 - 64.4
It was business as usual last week, as Team Suspension kept things rolling against an outmatched Crazy Train. However, this week will be different. Kaelan’s best 3 players are all on bye: Christian McCaffery, the number one overall RB, Nick Chubb, the number three overall RB, and Chris Godwin, the number one overall WR. Talk about missing your studs. It’s so tragic that Team Suspension will have to resort to starting Coleman, who is the featured back on a resurgent 49er’s team, and McCoy, who is with the Chiefs, and I don’t need to say more there. Like I said earlier this week, if PIW can put a halfway decent score, and Team Suspension still beats them this weekend despite the byes, I don’t see this team losing again this season. It usually only comes once a season, and here’s your 1 vs 2 this year. Game on.
2. Punting Is Winning (5-1), +0
Last Week: Win vs. Davante’s Inferno 107.6 - 89.4
I managed to grind out a win last week despite a lackluster score by my standards. This was mostly thanks to “Scary Terry” McLaurin putting up a two touchdown game. Just like taking Kittle in the later rounds last year, I’m particularly proud of picking up this productive rookie in the 15th. This week PIW has a big one vs Team Suspension. Because of Kaelan’s players on bye, I am projected to win, but I don’t feel comfortable about it for sure. The key matchup to watch will be the Seahawks at the Ravens, as Suspension’s Lamar Jackson and Ravens D/ST face off against my Russell Wilson and Mark Ingram. I’d really like Baltimore to get ahead early in the matchup so the Ravens run more, and Russell can throw more. Kaelan is hoping for the opposite. Should be a fun one!
3. Lincoln Riley’s Offense (4-2), +1
Last Week: Win vs Turn Left and Goff 145 - 78.9
What a great time to put up your best score of the year, as LRO smashed Team Goff in a huge win. The Patriots D/ST continues to be nutty, scoring two more TD’s on Thursday night versus the Giants. And the earlier season trade is working out well for Brandon, as trading Kelce instead of Mark Andrews has proven to be the correct move. Cook has continued to produce as well. Between you and me, I considered this team for the second spot in these rankings, but you really only get one shot at 1 vs 2 per year, so that may have influenced me a bit. But that was a convincing enough win that I think we now have a top 3 instead of a top 4, like I talked about last week. This week should be an easy affair against a struggling Private Ryan team.
4. Turn Left and Goff (4-2), -1
Last Week: Loss vs Lincoln Riley’s Offense 78.9 - 145
Ouch, that was an ugly performance last week. The silver lining is this: even an average performance wouldn’t have beaten the league high score last week, so if you’re going to put up a clunker, that’s not a bad time to do it. Despite the low score, it’s an outlier thus far, and things are looking up for RJ. Saquon looks to be coming back this week, and the rest of the roster remains solid. Losing the overall number one pick for three weeks and still going 2-1 over the duration is about as good as you could ask for. And it’s a good thing Barkley is back, because it’s another big matchup this week as Team Goff faces Calculated Madness in a matchup with major playoff tiebreaker implications. If RJ can win this and deal a loss to a fellow contender, he’s got to feel great about his playoff chances going forward. However, a loss would send him back toward the middle of the pack. Should be another fun one.
5. Colorado Farmers (3-3), +1
Last week: Win vs Stop Looking at my Peter, Man 126.2 - 70.4
The Farmers are coming. We felt like this team was much better than their 0-3 start all year, and now they’ve rattled off three in a row to even up their record. With 3 of the top 4 teams left on the schedule, this team absolutely still has a shot to make the playoff and shake up the standings. The margin for error is just slimmer than some others. Deshaun Watson has really picked things up the past couple of weeks, as have Zeke and Devonta Freeman, leading to this resurgence. Up next this week is one Alex has to have against a team below him in the standings. Can’t drop these kinds of games and make the playoffs.
6. Calculated Madness (4-2), -1
Last Week: Win vs The Rampaging Koala Bears 104.7 - 99.7
It was an unconvincing performance last week, but a win all the same, which is all that really matters in the end. I hate to keep bringing up the same thing all year, but the lack of depth at RB is really starting to catch up to this team. In addition, it seems that defenses have figured out how to stop Patrick Mahomes: just never let him have the football. The Chiefs defense just cannot stop the run and get off the field, and that’s negatively affecting their entire offense, but especially Mahomes, who has also been banged up a bit. Mahomes has really carried this team through the first few weeks, which is why it’s such a big deal. The positives however: Ethan is still 4-2, and a win this week versus team Goff would make this team feel great about their playoff chances. It’s all out there for the taking.
7. Crazy Train (3-3), +1
Last Week: Loss vs Team Suspension 64.6 - 123.3
Why the hell did this team move up a spot after putting up a league low score and looking awful doing it? Well, the rest of this tier of the league stunk too last week and I’m not ready to move Kenny all the way up to 7th off of one good performance. So who the heck else do I put in this spot? At least Crazy Train has three wins I guess. The dropoff from 6th to 7th is massive. Crazy Train missed a great opportunity last week too, as Team Suspension put up a beatable 123 points last week. Because of the previous wins, this team still has a shot at the playoffs, but you’ve got to start getting more than 4.6 from your QB for that to happen.
8. Memphis Mayfield (2-4), +3
Last week: Win vs. Saving Private Ryan 149.7 - 123.8
That’s got a be a cathartic performance for Memphis Mayfield. After struggling all season, putting up a league high 149 points feels great no matter the competition. It looks like Kirk Cousins finally remembered Stefon Diggs was on the Vikings, and since Kenny started both of them, that led to the huge score. However, the performances elsewhere on the team were still lackluster, and Diggs will not catch 3 TD’s every week. That’s how it starts though. Winning out will be tough, but that’s one game out of the way. So you’re saying there’s a chance…
9. Stop Looking at My Peter, Man (1-5), -2
Last Week: Loss vs. Colorado Farmers 70.4 - 126.2
Basically every team except Team Suspension has put up at least one clunker this year, and that happened to Dan last week. Unfortunately, that now drops him to 1-5 due to some bad luck earlier this year. With the 5th loss, I am officially eliminating this team from playoff contention. It’s time to play spoiler now, and this team is certainly capable of doing so. With players like Kamara, Jacobs, Brown, and Kittle in the lineup, any teams with SLMP still on the schedule can’t feel safe.
10. Saving Private Ryan (1-5), +0
Last Week: Loss vs. Memphis Mayfield 123.8 - 149.7
Team Ryan put up their best performance of the year thus far. Unfortunately, that score is only four points better than Team Suspension’s worst score, and more unfortunately, it was in a losing performance. It’s just not Aaron’s year, and with the 5th loss, I’m officially eliminating this team from playoff contention. Just to rub it in his face, Aaron must play Brandon this week in the most played Breakfast League matchup of all time… where he has a lifetime 1-6-2 record.
11. Davante’s Inferno (2-4), -2
Last Week: Loss vs. Punting is Winning 89.4 - 107.6
This team had been on the rise the past couple of weeks, but it all came crashing back to Earth last week. What’s worse is that it was versus the second best team in the league right now, who put up a totally beatable score this week. That’s a missed opportunity, and I think this team has missed its window of opportunity. With only 4 losses, Jared could still hypothetically win out and possibly make the playoffs, but let’s be real here: that’s not happening.
12. The Rampaging Koala Bears (1-5), +0
Last Week: Loss vs. Calculated Madness 99.7 - 104.7
I suppose I’m obligated to write something here. Koalas are kind of cute I guess? The 5th loss eliminates this team from playoff contention, not that there was a shot in the first place.
Next Week’s Preview
Even if I won this matchup, could you really rank me ahead of Team Suspension? That’s how dominant they’ve been this year. Number one vs. number two!
The most played Breakfast League matchup, Brandon leads 6-1-2. I don’t see that trend changing this week.
Game of the week lite. Another very important matchup for determining who will make the playoffs.
Alex needs to win this one to keep pace and should get the win if everything goes as planned.
Sean needs to win this one to keep pace and should get the win if everything goes as planned.
At least one of these teams will get a win in this spot.
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