Author's note: the following is the Week 9 Power Rankings for posted to Facebook by Kaelan October 29th, posted here for historical purposes with minor formatting.
Kaelan's Uneducated Trash Talk (Power Rankings)
Here we are again headed into week 9 and not much has changed. The suspension boys are still on top. Al Ohlinger, Brandon Gaede, and RJ Dechow are seemingly duking it out to see who is the unlucky one who gets to play me first round of the playoffs.
NONE of that matters here in the Breakfast league because the best rivalry on this side of the Missouri river happens this week. That’s right, Dan Jackson and “Stop looking at my Peter man” play Jared Kmiecik in the glorious garbage bowl of week 9. With major misfortune Dan has the most points scored against him at 986.6 points but outscores four other teams in the league with 794.2 points. Honestly looking at this team and the points they are capable of scoring with a healthy Kamara and fluctuating Jameis Winston I’m genuinely surprised this team has struggled so much… better luck next year!
1. Team Suspension
2. Punting is Winning
3. Turn Left and Goff
4. Lincoln Riley’s Offense
5. Kenny’s Miracle Boy’s ™
6. Colorado Farmers
7. Calculated Madness
8. Crazy Train
9. Saving something sometimes ™
10. Davante’s Inferno
11. Stop Looking at my Peter Man
12. Eli… I’m really sad…
12. The Rampaging Koala Bears (1-7)
Well officially coined “The team that never was” is sure to round out the bottom of the league this year. Auto-draft set this man up for success out of the gate and he put on a show, but the team never to be looked at again brought this gem to its demise. In a league where playoff runs in the past have been so close with only 4 teams making it into the money bracket I hate to see teams have a BYE week resulting in an easy W.
11. Stop Looking at my Peter, Man (1-7)
Not much more to say for this guy, lost some games with a lot of points scored and also got blown out with record lows scored on other weeks. Truly a “Hot and Cold” team that was unable to string together the W’s.
10 Davante’s Inferno (2-6)
A team riddled with injury out the gate struggling to break 100 points until week 3. This team struggled the instant Big Ben was out of the season and JUJU became irrelevant until recently. Not much you can do except try and break up the current race for top 4 and hope you can beat a dominant Team Suspension in week 11.
9. Saving something sometimes ™ (2-6)
Aaron won this week!!! Everybody clap for Aaron. After getting rid of Tyreek Hill and T.Y. Hilton for LeSean McCoy odds were stacked against him but the father of two was able to get a babysitter for Monday nights game and pull off the impossible.
8. Crazy Train (4-4)
“Win that thing and mix things up” Truly the motto for this team heading into the last games of the season. Sean, your team truly has potential you just play the wrong people at the wrong time… I’ll blame Kenny for this one. Win this week and finish above the Flap Jack please J
7. Calculated Madness (4-4)
Also another 4-4 team… wait he didn’t set his lineup week seven?!!! No all of his players died and that’s just part of the game. I'm sorry Ethan Patty Mahomie couldn’t carry you to victory this year….
6. Colorado Farmers (4-4)
Alex played me last week and even with a last second dumb decision to bench Cooper Kupp I pulled off the W. Zeke is back and you have the potential back in your favor. Yet another story of unfortunate BYE weeks presumably holding you from beating out #1 this last week.
5. Kenny’s Miracle Boy’s ™ (4-4)
This one hurts me… Kenny has resurrected his team late in the year right before the biggest game of the year… But what’s that??? Mahomes could come back this week and The Rams are off this week??? Could this possibly make the record 9-1 Team Suspension??? Good luck my fluffy buttery friend. Your team next year will promptly be named the aforementioned title seeing as how I trademarked it. Cool, Thanks J
4. Lincoln Riley’s Offense (6-2)
I’m putting Brandon in the 4 spot this week simply because RJ and Al continue to score more points that the rest of us. Brandon has won this league once and this is another year where he’s got a shot. It will come down to who shows up when it all matters. He’s playing Mr. Rile it up this week and the big dogs play each other this week so even with a loss it probably wont matter. KENNY WILL NOT MAKE PLAYOFFS… PLEASE AL, TELL ME ITS SO.
3. Turn Left an Goff (6-2)
Goff is on a BYE… Hooper is on a BYE… Wait you have Matt Stafford playing the Radiers this week and w healthy Saquon headed in against Al an essentially full strength roster? I could see this going either way. Look for Tyler Lockett and Amari Cooper to be keys to victory with Russell Wilson on the opposing side it is important that Touch Downs go to Lockett and he doesn’t run them in himself.
2. Punting Is Winning (6-2)
The man with the highest score last week heads into the latter half of the season playing the toughest competition with another top 4 contender again this week Al will need every bit of Russell Wilson and Aaron Jones to pull this one off. I know we aren’t really fighting for the top 4 positions this year but the H2H records are always something fun to look at! Al prides himself on his unbelievable feats of beating the top contenders from the birth of this league year after year. This game will always matter for the Breakfast. League record books.
1. Team Suspension (8-0)
Left Kupp on the bench but put a thriving Coleman in the FLEX spot to pull off the W. Not much else to say other than it is likely due to strength of my second half being on the lower end I will likely round off the top this year headed into the finals. Kenny will struggle with unfortunate BYE weeks this time around and Tyreek Hill can fill the void on my bench missing Cooper Kupp this week.
Games to watch the week include Punting is Winning vs Turn Left and Goff, Lincoln Riley’s Offense vs Crazy Train and Team Suspension vs. Kenny’s Miracle Boy’s ™
Sorry to whoever was supposed to write the Power Rankings this week… I had too much fun last week and needed to bring ‘Kaelan’s Uneducated Trash Talk” back for another week.
“Nowhere special, always wanted to go there.” – Blazing saddles
Those of you not fighting for the playoffs enjoy a brewski this weekend and watch some football with that quote in mind 📷;)
Sincerely,
“The guy gunning for Kenny’s spot 2020”
Kaelan S. Carlson
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