It's baaaaaaack!
The most useless waste of time ever to be known. Entirely the opinion of one person in the league. And, with less to go off of! ...the POWER RANKINGS, Week 1 edition!
We are in the midst of a very competitive season. It seems that every year has gotten more and more competitive - it will only be more so now. The tough nature of the Breakfast League has already shown itself in Week 1: only two teams failed to score 100 points this week (It should be noted that one of those teams scored 99.5 points).
In the past four years, only four or five teams managed to score 100 points in their debut. This year, it's practically eleven.
Al said it in his Post-Draft Power Rankings... this year will be tight. Expect another log-jam of eight or nine teams fighting for a playoff spot. Expect records closer to .500.
So, this just makes Power Rankings even harder to do. Any team could take themselves to the playoffs at this point, with the right moves. So, if you're ranked a little low... don't take it personally. Trying to do these rankings at this juncture with this lack of information is kind of like forcing Donald Trump to state a coherent sentence... or making Hillary Clinton hold on to her emails (that's right, this league is NON-PARTISAN!).
Cue sound clip...
As the season begins, I'll explain a little about my process: I consider previous season's results a little (I'll be biased towards Kaelan, as he has won two titles and has proven he knows how to win). Early in the season, I rely on Points For A LOT to predict a team's strength - as the year goes on however, I'll focus more on wins and losses. I'll utilize a little bit of my own draft analysis and NFL predictions. If you think my rankings are 'fake news...' just know I try my best.
Anyways. I will follow my favorite radio show's advice... LET'S GET TO THE POWER RANKINGS!!!
12. Donald Trumps Hair (0-1)
I was feeling good about this guy. I thought it would be his year. After all those years of starting strong and collapsing in the later stages of the regular season, I told myself, "This is the year." Now I'm thinking not.
Now, take this with a grain of salt. It's only been one week, Kenny. Don't be so hard on him! He can easily come back.
But let's look at the facts. Yes, Rodgers is a god. But he was not worth a R2 pick in the draft - no QB is. Nor was Kareem Hunt, according to Hunt's Week 1 score. That was Maas' first round pick. And don't forget WR Marquise Goodwin, who put up a big fat goose egg.
His one encouragement? Even though his TE1 Olsen is now out with a foot injury, his TE2 looked more than capable this weekend to shoulder the load for Ethan. Other than that, Ethan's draft put himself in a poor spot early.
11. TEN FIVE TOUCH- DOWN KANSAS CIT (0-1)
By the way, Aaron, this is the worst team name I have EVER seen in this league. What exactly is "KANSAS CIT"???
Let's start with the pros: Mahomes is a boss. This was a GOOD Chief grab. Kelce was a good grab too, even if his Week 1 numbers didn't show it.
But we have three big problems. 1) DeVante Parker. Don't play a guy who gets sat for an injury - that's rule one of fantasy football. 2) The Chiefs D/ST heyday is over. Let it go, bud. 3) Dez? Seriously???
There is reason for optimism: this week was an anomaly for a lineup that has arguably the second-best tight end in the game, along with a similarly-gifted wide receiver. But the roster has questions, the bench is weak, and I'm concerned. Aaron should be too.
If I had to set a line between contenders and pretenders... if I was absolutely forced to... it would be right. Here. At. This. Sentence. But, it's too early for definite predictions.
10. Just Call Burton (1-0)
When the Le'Veon Bell trade for AJ Green went down, I said that Jared's team looked dangerous - IF Al Ohlinger lost his gamble.
Hindsight is 20/20, gang. The Bell trade worked against Jared's favor, as it appears that his holdout could last a long while. Al is looking pretty smart right now.
Now, there is still a chance that Bell returns to play any day now. If he does, Jared immediately jumps at least three spots in my rankings. But, for now, it's not looking good.
Things to consider apart from the Bell controversy: Three starters under 5 points, a disappointing DeShaun Watson performance that might just need to be ignored, a 0.2-point victory over Dan Jackson... and a bench that only scored 25.4 points this weekend. When it comes to Burton, Watson and Bell, there's a lot left to be seen.
9. #5 The Rampaging Koala Bears (1-0)
Solid win this week. But I have a couple of concerns about the furry bears with firearms (see team picture). You should just call your team the Ewoks, that's pretty much what they are...
12.3. That's how many points your bench has if you don't consider Chris Thompson. BTW, most American name ever. Perhaps you could have put Thompson in ahead of Ronald Jones, who gave you a goose egg? You would have had the week's highest score - but your bench still sucks. Also, TE is a weakness here.
8. Frost Advisory (0-1)
Yes, RJ's score this week was way below the next-worst finisher. But chalk it up to the unexpected - I mean, no one expected the Saints to give up 48 points to Ryan Fitzpatrick, okay?
His bench is sorta 'eh.' But it got the points, mostly off of Crowell's legs from the Jets' blowout victory. I like RJ as a solid middle-of-the-pack team, with potential to trade his way into a Week-11 dogfight for a playoff spot.
7. Chronic Masterdeflater (0-1)
Back to team names... this is possibly the most hilarious team name ever. Love it.
Man, losing a game by two tenths of a point has to suck (RJ Dechow should know all about that too - Dan and RJ are tied for the closest loss in Breakfast League history). But there is some encouragement, such as his deep bench.
By far, Dan's biggest issue is the lack of depth at running back. A trade would do him well. He is one RB1 away from competing at the top.
6. Avant Gardeyns (0-1)
When you look at this team's performance last weekend, you think 'average' - at least, compared to the other teams across the league. You would be wrong, of course: in my not-so-humble opinion, Mr. Annan has a deeeeeep lineup. Gurley? Check. Wilson? You got it. Jimmy Graham? Hell yes.
The only disappointment is in weeks with no star or breakout players. This week was a perfect example, although credit to Gurley for... well, being Gurley. Apart from that, the numbers looked pretty normal. This team looks a little bit better than what it showed last week.
5. #1 Crazy Train (1-0)
With the highest score in the league last week, Sean Alumbaugh brings his team to the top of the standings. But, it's Week 1, and standings don't mean jack diddly when you've only played one game.
You remember how Eli Thompson's bench has 12.3 points, if you were to remove Chris Thompson? Well, if you remove the QB from Sean's bench, his bench point total is 12.5 - arguably worse, since QB's on average score more than running backs.
Obviously, Sean's team has a lot of firepower. But Sanders and Mixon won't always put up those kinds of point totals. There's a depth issue, but this could easily be resolved with a good trade, or maybe some waiver wire scouting.
Maybe Sean will pick me off the waiver wire? Put me in, coach!!!
4. I'm Bringing Rexy Back (0-1)
Man, it's hard to hate on yourself. But after this week, it's a little easier.
It turns out, my biggest flaw is... me. Putting in Gallup over Miller at the FLEX position was unwise, and costed me the win. Grr.
The bench is a little deeper than most in the league, especially at the QB position. But, there's a weakness at WR and TE - my TE1 is out for the season on injury. Grr.
There's a lot of Grr here. But still, I scored the fourth-most points in the entire week, well in the upper echelon. Let's just hope the wins go my way, shall we?
And of course... "MAKE BETTER DECISIONS!!!"
3. #4 Party Like It's 1999 (1-0)
Really, my top three are pretty close together - so consider any of these three teams as equally armed and extremely dangerous.
There are just a few concerns in this team, such as his RB's giving only 6.2 points this week. But that's easily remedied by time, and reliance on the bench a little more. The kicker scored low, but it wasn't expected, and he should bounce back.
The only reason this team didn't go higher this week was because of bad matchups. Just wait until this team realizes its potential. Keep an eye on this team, as it will almost certainly be in the playoffs this year, sparing injury.
2. #2 Children of Thanos (1-0)
Even better.
Yes, the bench sucks - but read the fine print. Edelman and Ingram are suspended - when they come back, it's a whole different story. Besides, Brandon just proved he didn't need them anyway. How about the return of the weedman, Josh Gordon? How about that performance by Michael Thomas?
Yes, B-Dog can't expect these kinds of numbers every week - but he is back in playoff form, after a long absence from competitiveness. There is no doubt.
1. #3 Team Suspension (1-0)
Jaw. Drop.
Just his bench scored over 100 points.
And if your response is that Kamara won't always have a superstar week, remember, Stafford and Kaelan's D/ST won't always suck, either. This wasn't a one-time deal. This team is LOADED, and in all the right places.
There is no way this team doesn't make the playoffs, barring a slew of injuries the likes of which never seen before in Breakfast League lore. It's Kaelan's league... we're all just playing in it.
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There you have it! Next week, join Al Ohlinger as he gives the Week 2 Power Rankings!
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