Week 9 Power Rankings
Author: Brandon Gaede, posted by Al because Kenny is a slowpoke
This is my first official power rankings and I’m going in like Ray Rice on his girlfriend. Well we’re now a little over halfway through the season. I don’t know about any of you, but the season always flies by. Lets just make football year around. At this point, in real life and fantasy, we have a fairly good gauge on who’s for real and who’s not. The trade deadline has passed, and many-a-trade have been completed this season. We only have FOUR regular season games left! The playoffs are wide open for numerous teams and the top 2 seeds are not locked up quite yet. Time to inject those steroids and PCP and go balls to the wall…
12) Sherlock Jones; Record: 2-7; PF: 941.82
Ah, the bottom-dweller. It’s okay because Kenny is used to being at the bottom due to being a Husker fan the last 8 years. Tough choice between Kenny and RJ for last place. Both are 2-7 but I’m giving the edge to RJ solely for having Mahomes. Kenny’s luck has run out this season. And I won’t let him forget about passing on Rodgers in the draft and telling me, “You can have him!” Kenny’s team has fallen flatter than a pancake which could be the most ironic thing in the history of mankind. Not much he can do now but start writing draft notes in his fantasy notebook for next season.
11) Go Bark Yourself; Record: 2-7; PF: 893.98
Poor RJ. He’s probably had the worst luck out of anyone this season. Picks Saquon in the first round and he’s lost for the season in Week 2; his torn ACL literally told him to go bark himself. Not much else positive about this team other than Mahomes. He’s the only constant here. Golladay could be top 3 for WR busts this season and Antonio Gibson is in the middle of a below average offense. RJ’s team has still been throwing up some points lately and is going down swinging like McGregor vs Floyd.
10) IIIIIITS TUE TIME: Record 3-6: PF: 920.44
It might be Tua time but it’s certainly not Aaron’s time. Aaron has his team named after a player who’s been on waivers most of the season. Tua finally starts 2 games yet Aaron leaves him on the bench. The disrespect is real. I mean we all have to agree Aaron had this coming after he chugged a handle of Jack at the draft. His team looked solid at first but most of them joined Aaron in hitting the floor faster than the girl Joe Mixon clocked while he was at Oklahoma (that video is wild, look it up). In conclusion, Aaron may need to go back to light beers.
9) Crazy Train; Record: 4-5; PF: 970.02
For those that have been in league a while, we all agree its weird to see Sean so low in the rankings. Sean and I solidified a bit of a rivalry in the first few years of the league. I edged out a title win in 2015 and I’ll always respect his teams. But this year his boys have been too inconsistent. To change his luck, he maybe ought to shave his face and his head. At the draft, I wasn’t sure if that was Sean or if a hobo snuck into his house and posed as Sean on the video call. We may never know. I guess that’s what happens when you go to college in Manhattan, KS. Sean can still make the playoffs but needs to win at least ¾ and Kaelan and Ethan lose more matchups.
8) Conner Party; Record: 3-6; PF: 1032.56
Jared might have the best 3-6 team in the history of fantasy football. For some perspective, my team is 7-2 and I have less points-for. That is terrible luck. Some more perspective, in his 6 losses, he’s only lost by a combined ~49 points. He could be higher due to these facts but the record drags him down a little bit. Jared could MAYBE make the playoffs but needs a lot to happen.
7) Team Suspension; Record: 5-4: PF: 1001.28
Here lies Kaelan near the middle for having such a stacked team but said team not meeting their potential each week. Right now, he’s letting Dalvin cook and hoping Godwin can actually play like he did last season. Kaelan is just barely on the outside looking in to the playoffs. He’s tied with 2 teams that are currently in the playoff bracket, Alex and Ethan. Unlucky for him, he lost to both of them so he needs some things to happen. In his remaining 4 matchups, he faces 2 of the top teams in the league. The fantasy gods might suspend Team Suspension from the playoffs after ghosting Alex and me in trades. Time will tell…
6) Wave To The Kids!; Record: 6-3; PF: 973.36
Al has a great record and should make the playoffs but has a fairly low points-for total. Luckily, the tie breaker for playoff seeding is H2H record. Al might need to change his team name before the FBI knocks on his door. It’s like when Michael Scott from The Office made his profile name “LittleKidLover” on a dating website and said, “So they know where my priorities are.” For Al to make the playoffs, it looks like he’ll need to rely on Adams and Tyreek to carry him there. Al has matchups with Ethan, Alex, and Dan in the next 3 weeks and could take first place in his division.
5) Cows of Colorado; Record: 5-4; PF: 1015.02
The literal cows of Colorado need to tip in Alex’s favor in the coming weeks. Alex holds first place in his division and meets Dan, Al, and Ethan in the next 4 matchups. So many things could happen. Losing Kittle sure doesn’t help his playoff aspirations. Alex needs to whip out his musical skills to serenade his team to victories and hope his cows don’t run off the cliff.
4) CoronaVirus Crowns; Record: 5-4, PF: 1073.46
“I can tell you a coronavirus joke but there’s a 99.997% chance you won’t get it.” We saw firsthand that Derrick Henry is human after all. Tough loss this last week against Dan. That was only the second time Ethan’s team scored under 100 all season. Henry has carried Ethan’s team to victory for many weeks but not this time. Ethan has a consistent team that includes Russ, Gurley, and Hopkins and will need them rest of the season. His final matchup is versus Alex which could decide who sits stop the division. Ethan needs Maas points!!
3) Monica Loves Clinton-Dix; Record: 6-3; PF: 1059.38
No matter what happens, Dan gets a W for best team name I’ve ever seen. Dan has built together a top-heavy team but injuries have bothered him all season. McCaffrey comes back for one game, dominates, then gets injured on the last drive of the game. He said it the best himself this past weekend in the Week 9 thread, “If my team is healthy, you guys are boned.” Dan has a fairly easy path to the playoffs. If he loses to Al and RJ, his chances of getting a bye will drop faster than Monica Lewinsky did to her knees in the oval office.
2) Two Girls, One Kupp; Record 7-2; PF: 1007.38
I wish I could put myself at the top but I’ll explain that here in a minute. It’s been a while since I’ve had a good team in this league. I’m sure some may have seen this already but I made some pretty questionable trades this season, however, I’m still sitting at 7-2. Any more disrespect, you’ll have to speak a little louder because I can’t hear you down there while sitting on the #1 seed. Massive matchup this week against the team you haven’t read about yet. If I survive, it should be an easy drive on cruise control to the playoffs with matchups vs Kaelan, Aaron, and Sean. I’ve been going in so hard, I might have to change my name to “Four Girls, One Kupp”…
1) Big Ben’s Big Balls; Record: 6-3; PF: 1132.30
“Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same. And now, it’s here. Or should I say, I am.” Daren comes into the league and starts to dominate us all? Not on my watch, Thanos. Upcoming matchup could be biggest of the season thus far. It will be a tall task. One of the most important things in fantasy football is to draft sleepers and pick up players who perform well above their expectations and Daren has done just that. Examples include Robinson, Metcalf, and Julio. His points-for total is too high to ignore to not put him at the top. The next best points-for total is 73 points less. Daren’s path to the #1 seed is simple: win out but needs 1 loss from Dan (he dropped the H2H matchup vs Dan in Week 1). Big Ben’s balls need to get a little bigger to grab the #1 seed and hold it.
Until next time…
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